Navigating fame and personal growth

It's not cocaine. It's not heroin. It's fame. Anything you want. Everything you want. It's a thing. And if you can't handle this thing, the consequences attached are severe. Do you know you? And are you okay with you? If you are not, then break it. The best-selling author and host. The number one healthy wellness podcast. On purpose with Jay Shetty.

Hey everyone, welcome back to On a Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world, thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. And I'm so grateful for this community that we have here because I get to sit down with some of the most incredible minds in the world, people that I find fascinating, not just personally and professionally, but because of the potential and the purpose that they have. Today's guest is someone who has been on my list to interview for

from day one so it's a very special moment for me i'm very excited i'm speaking myself the one and only kevin har hollywood box office powerhouse opening 11 films at number one at the box office and grossing more than 4.2 billion dollars in global revenue kevin has also become a successful entrepreneur

Heartbeat, a global multimedia platform company creating entertainment at the intersection of comedy and culture with a mission to keep the world laughing together. I love them. Devin is also the founder of Heartbeat Ventures. Devin is a New York Times best-selling author, twice over, and his first portable original, The Decision, was nominated for an Audi Award for Best Original Audiobook, and I spent my last five hikes listening to his new audiobook, Monster

and how to tame them. And I have to tell you, and I'm going to tell Kevin right now because he's sitting in front of me. Dude, I have not been that into something for a long, long time. And I'll tell you why. I have not stopped talking about the different monsters, the different personalities. To my wife, my team, to my colleagues, you've made it so relevant and accessible to talk about your flaws.

thank you so great thank you and you know uh you know when flowers are thrown out i believe that they should uh they should sometimes be returned in this case man i'm here for a reason the work that you've done success that you've had is groundbreaking uh so major congrats to you i just want to say there's an equal level of appreciation and excitement for the moment man you've done

that you add. More importantly, you know, the lines are just

let's get it you know one of the things I want to start off and this is going to take us anywhere and everywhere is how does it feel when you're winning and then you discover you've got monsters because that's kind of the journey you've been on and I want to go back and forth in this journey but I want to start there like what does it feel like when you're winning you're succeeding but then you all of a sudden go I've still got monsters you know when you say and use the word monsters just for clarity it's

the different levels to you, right? And within the levels that I've discovered in myself, of myself, you know, you got your good versions and your bad versions. And the bad versions I refer to as monsters because they're bad.

and you don't have good quality. And when you're winning and you're succeeding, there's this idea that everything is right. There's this idea that perfection has now presented itself in life moving forward. It's going to be just an easy road. And it's not until you're in that position where you expect perfection and you think that, that you start to see the true problems and flaws really present themselves. And, you know, my monsters have been massive.

to pinpoint them throughout the years because some of those monsters grew, got stronger, developed. You're talking about the world of an ego, the idea of who you think you are versus what you are.

That's a monster that's feeding that, right? That engine of, well, now that I'm making money, this is what I should have. This is how I should look. This is how I'm supposed to be. That's a monster that you're feeding because ultimately you're buying in to something that you're creating. You're enhancing this world of thought.

and it's not until you sit down and you take a breather and you start to really kind of, you start to really figure out the true definition of happiness for you. You start to really understand the adult that you have grown into and the level of maturity that has now, I guess you could say, have been banked inside the human that

you are, you're banking so much over the years and ultimately you're shaping your mode of yourself into this grounded hopefully, this grounded individual that you're proud to look at in the mirror at the end of the day. I had to start to, I had to get to a place to where I was looking in the mirror and I was proud of what I was looking

myself. I was okay with pointing out my flaws. I was okay with knowing what I do well and what I do wrong. And at the end of the day, there's no consequence to always improving. There's no consequence to growing. You're in a time now where people almost frown upon the word growth. I embraced it. I embraced the world of correction. So the monsters and the world of how to tame them came from me understanding

over the years and me getting them to a point where I put them in a place where I can control them. They're still there. They can rear their heads, but I can say, sit down. That's not necessary. That's not needed. And I can tell when one is trying to take me back to a place of old, but at age 43, it's exciting to know that I've grown from so much. And, you know, the world of one is significantly different than what it once was. It's really interesting to hear

and when you said that i was thinking yeah when you look at the mirror there's no trophies the reflection doesn't show the trophies the wins the money that whatever else it just shows you you and the fact that you've had the courage to look at that where do you think when you track back i've always been fascinated by memories that we hold from our childhood that have

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right i was okay with not trying i was okay with not giving my all and i was kind of okay with getting over right so the biggest memory that i have in my childhood is like when i got to that early teen years at 12 at 13 at 14 being sneaky and thinking that you're constantly one-upping someone

I was embracing at the highest level. Do your homework. I did it. Did you really do your homework? I did it. And you taking my word for it and not checking my homework. Oh, I didn't do it, but you think I did. I got over it. Ultimately, you're slowly cheating yourself over the course of years. It's not until you get a reality check as to why that work was necessary

examples of that. I truly had a mom that made sure that I had and I didn't take advantage or embrace the real work that she put in until I got to a older age of true understanding. But to be honest, I really threw a lot of those things to the side. The extracurricular activities, the swim teams, the football teams, the basketball

to try to provide you with a world of opportunity. They're trying to keep you occupied. They're trying to embrace this idea of hard work, effort, activity.

kids or hopefully for their kids to put their kids in a position to just want, right? Want the best, compete, study, learn, be excited about their future. That light bulb went off late. Thankfully, when it went off, it went off at the right time. And I was able to identify a lot of stuff that I couldn't then. And also, thankfully, that a lot of the lessons that my mom constantly embedded in me

don't do it you're not cheating anybody but yourself all these things that I heard over the course of time there was a moment I got older it it it all hit at the same time but the real memory for me now looking back is I'm glad that I do see that that I am aware of that because not being aware of that is the hugest loss thinking that I took full advantage thinking that I've really

I tried myself thinking that that was 100% would be the real loss. So one of my best memories is knowing that at one point I was a slacker. I was the guy that wanted to look like he was doing but never truly was. Unless it was something that I loved and embraced and that was basketball.

frame around what you saw as a bigger loss I think that's so powerful for you to sit here and say actually I'm really happy that I can see that I wasn't putting my best foot forward because that helps me be grateful to my mom it helps me understand it from a different perspective and the one thing that came to mind for me when I'm listening to you say that is

Wow. Yeah.

I was looking at what you were sharing and commenting about, and there's this one thing that you said that really stuck with me. And you said that, my kids actually think I'm the coolest dad on the planet. I know why I am the way I am. My dad has a lot to do with that. Mistakes that my dad made, the decisions to do drugs, being in and out of jail, in and out of your lives, I saw firsthand what not being present did

being present means. I know what I can do. I know what effect it can have with a child coming home. But it sounded like, obviously when you lost your father recently, it sounds like you've reconciled, like you've built somewhat of a connection. You know, me and my dad, we weren't the closest, but we weren't that close.

at the end of the day, I want to love my dad, except for being my dad. And my dad's life, you know, had several different versions of drastic downs, right? A small amount of ups, a lot of downs. I can easily sit here and ridicule and judge my dad for the mistakes that he made or for his past, but that does nothing. I don't like to

There's nothing that we can do about that time. We can have a conversation about it. We can talk about it. Me and my dad talking, my biggest thing was you don't have to focus on what you can't change. The fact that you're here now and that you made the decision to get clean

to turn your life around. It's never too late. My dad was, you know, 50 plus at the time when he said, I'm going to go ahead and figure it out. I'm going to close that door and I'm going to work on this other door. This door over here was, like I said, jail, drugs, in and out of this kid's life to the point where, you know, there was a tower. We didn't know where my dad was. And I bumped into my dad on the train. I tell the story.

I bumped into my dad on a public transportation in Philadelphia. Like not seeing him in years. I randomly saw my dad. My dad was so embarrassed he got on the train and ran. But it's like that's where that world and that relationship was.

What I do very well, I don't hold on to grudges or gripes. It takes too much time. It takes too much energy. Things will work themselves out. They never not have. It always works itself out. And then my dad worked it out, right? Like, it's about the grandkids. And our relationship got better as he embraced the opportunity to be a great grandpa. And seeing him try to do that right

was his way of

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Being that I can, I want to make sure that you get to see some dope things in life. Here, let's do this and take that and live like this. So things work themselves out. His reward for giving his energy to something positive and life-changing was his son becoming successful and his son saying, Dad, huh?

unexpected that wasn't the plan you got a great piece of light at the end of that dark tunnel that you didn't expect that I didn't expect because I didn't expect to be here so everything kind of it works itself out yeah and you know losing my dad is when you look back and you go yo he was all right right like my my reflection my conversation my words when I speak on behalf of my father they're so positive and dope because he did good

I'm alright. I came out okay. Mom, Dad, they did good. Whatever you did to put whatever recipe in this pot, the food came out alright. I'm a good person. I got a good heart. I treat people with respect. Ultimately, I want the most that I can't possibly get out of life. I love to love. I'm a good dude.

my perfect? No. I got some of the imperfections over there. I got some of the ones from over here, from my mandate. Okay. That's life. I'm going to figure it out, but I figure it out without the want or need or problem. That's real, man. I mean, listening to you say that, what I appreciate so much is about how

changing our perspective again that often we feel to heal what was broken needs to be fixed and actually what you just said is seeing him

that's not even the area that needed fixing or was broken, but seeing that starts to create something. That's the best example that I can ask for. Yeah. Because it's not about, it's not about us, right? Like me and my ex-wife got to a point of realization, you know, after having a significant amount of ups and downs, you know, after our divorce, we got to a point where you realize it's not about us.

like we we did it we had our opportunity and we're now adults how we choose to live as adults well that's a choice that we make but we're trying to make the best choices so that they have a better life so it's about them when i see somebody making the efforts to make life for them better

but then we're on the same page. We have the same vision. We have the same vision. It's not about us at this point. It's not about us as a generation at this point. It's about us trying our best to do things, to create change, to move ground, shift the gears so that they have a much better opportunity than what we did. That's the world of the baton being passed correctly. And

if you understand that and you have that mindset you approach your day to day differently and I do I do have that mindset and it's one thing that I'm very thankful for and through the things that should be problems or were supposed to be problems I've never held on to them long enough and by the way just bringing it back full circle that's a monster that grudge monster that's a monster

I'm going to get you back. I'm going to wait. You just watch. I'm going to hold on to that and I'm going to prove to you or I'm going to show you or I'm not talking to nobody over here. That's a monster. So you can feel that monster or that monster doesn't have to have an existence in me.

It's really, really interesting hearing that perspective again, because, you know, one of my favorite lessons that I've learned is that often the thing that's holding you back is something you're holding on to. Yes. One of my favorite lessons, the idea that something that's holding you back is you're holding on to it. So whether it's a grudge, like you're saying the grudge monster or a feeling or an emotion or an idea that you're not allowing it to let go when it no longer serves you.

and being able to walk away from that requires real strength and courage. But one of the things that you said about you and your partner, your ex-wife, that I think is really powerful is that when it's just about us,

whoever that may be you're either looking at each other or you're looking past each other and what you just said is now we're looking in the same direction when it's the kids and so that switch if you think about any relationship in our life when we think it's just about us when it's not about anyone else you're always going to be against each other but as soon as there's a higher purpose or there's a commitment or there's a

and understanding and understanding and understanding that comes with the world of communication and great dialogue. I can, you know, and having this conversation, I can point to so many examples of how it's so hard to see the good if you're only seeing the bad. Like there's so many people that struggle with with their version of successes and

right and when you're constantly in the space of not realizing or noticing your world your reality because you're living in what appears to be someone else's well your shit is never gonna be right it's never gonna be right right like if i'm if i'm looking at everybody

I'm not embracing the world of good that came from my dad. I could have went down the road that my dad did. I could have easily been wrapped into the same world of, you know, drugs, gangs, violence, stick-up boys, right? Like embracing the hood at the highest level. Not that I don't because I do. That's where I'm from. But I could have embraced it at a much higher level and followed in the footsteps of my father because that's what he did. But I was able to...

Realize the mistakes he made. I was able to go, I don't want to go down that street. He'll see the consequences of it. That's a choice that I made, right? Some don't make that choice. By the way, no disrespect to those that haven't. It's to each his own. You do what you want based off of who you've seen or what you want to be true to. Live your life. Ultimately, we get one. Live it for you. Live it to the best space and place that you feel comfortable

you can win at that's my motto I'm not here to tell you right from wrong I'm saying I identify things differently and I make decisions based off of examples that I can look at as not bad but ones that if I didn't have I could have made that mistake so without a lesson that was intentional my dad's giving me lessons right it's not intentional my dad never said I went to jail so he didn't have to he never said that

But hey, man. Seeing you in jail, dad. That just made me realize I don't want to go there. Hearing how you talk about it. Hearing how many times you went. I don't want to go there. Seeing what drugs did to you. You talking and telling the stories. What you lost. What you had. Well, I don't want to do that. Okay, you know what? I'm going to embrace my father. I'm going to embrace this imperfect human being.

because I'd be damned if he's not positioning me for personal success in just understanding what I should and shouldn't do. And it seems so logical. It seems like common sense, but sometimes it's not that easy for some. It's not that easy. Yeah, sometimes what I'm hearing is sometimes the greatest wisdom is unsaid and unintentional, right? Like sometimes the greatest wisdom is not what someone said to you. And sometimes the greatest wisdom is knowing what not to do.

to do and they told me the right thing sometimes it's looking and saying well i know what not to do now and what i'm fascinated doing i think you're going to give people a lot of hope listen to you say that you were complacent growing up and i consider you today probably being one of the hardest working people in entertainment from what i see and observe and when i've watched your interviews will listen to you

you give it your all you're invested from a mission purpose point of view but hey wait a minute this person says i was complacent growing up and it's never one moment it's never one thing so i don't even want to simplify it with that kind of question what were the shifts that needed to take place in order for you to go from being complacent to being one of the hardest working people who's committed to something i'm big on just like uh logic right and

There was this moment that I had where I just kept saying, why not? Like, why? Russell Westbrook was a good friend of mine. I tease him all the time because the one saying that he has that I wish I would have had, or I wish I got to first is, why not? And it's so genius.

working any job, whether that job is a nine to five or whether it's a half a day, full day, whatever it is, you don't just have to do one thing. You can do a lot of different things. There's this weird mindset that a lot of people have that you can only do one thing. And when I realized I don't have to just do one thing, I can do a lot of different things,

you can be good at a lot of different things. But you don't know that you're good at a lot of different things unless you try a lot of different things. And when I looked around, I kind of just realized how the world goes around is all based off of creativity. It's all based off of ideas. It's all based off of

to the idea of a hotel

hotels going to a place of people renting out houses and airbnbs to taxis to the people driving their own cars these all ideas and the groundbreaking thought that i had realizing all these ideas is that these ideas have the potential to touch the sky if a person believes that they can

if a person believes that they can well your world of idea changes your reason for getting up your reason for putting your feet on the ground every morning it can change if you believe that the purpose that you now have and that you're working towards based off of an idea is something that you can succeed in I grasped that understanding and I attached it to everything that I tried to do I did not set out

to be the actor, the director, the writer, the producer, the CEO, the chairman, the advisor. I did not set out to do any of these things. I'm gonna make it very clear. I don't have the educational background for any of these things. What I had was an idea to try. And after you get an idea to try, what I had was the patience to sit and listen, be a sponge, learn,

Figure it out. And figuring it out, it was another side of not being okay with the incomplete version of figuring out the thing that I didn't do. Well, why did I go ask all these questions? I'm not going to try it now that I know how. All right, well, let me try it. The only consequence is failure. By the way, not trying is failing.

I want to make that very clear. Not trying is failing. There's a lot of things that people can't do simply because you've never tried to do it. And I'm not saying that you should try everything. I'm not saying that you're supposed to do everything. I'm saying that for me, when someone says something and I go, no, I never did that. I have to have a reason for why I've never done it.

and a justification. If you ask me something, I go, no. And you just say, why? And I go, mm-mm. That's not good enough for me. I like to have a reason why. And that's the foundation that I stand on. That's how I built this mindset, this level of energy to go ahead. Rhyme and reason within my why. Why not? It's the...

Russ again I love you to death my brother it's the one that got away from me and you're a genius for saying it because it's so simple yet so profound so everything that I'm doing or that I'm attempting to do it's because I started so much and I'm just trying to finish it and I like the fact that I'm 43 and I still got energy behind what it is that I'm trying to do it sounds like it's like

where you're going is not as important as who you're growing into or that direction like the person that you're evolving into the things you have to learn the things you have to be surrounded by and I think that's the part that I get excited about it's like yeah like you said whether you get there or whatever there is or not and it's not just the journey and the destination because I think that

is the person you grow into the people you surround yourself by in order to reach this big goal that is so fun and that pursuit is worth it right the pursuit is the happiness it's everything yeah jay i've said this before

The bottom, or what's considered to be the bottom. We are not stereotypically supposed to be in the rooms that we're in. And when we say that, there's a level of comfort, right? We're not supposed to be in these rooms. It's kind of cliche. When you start to get in these rooms, you go, why are we not supposed to be in these rooms? It's so amazing when you get to the other side, you see the other side, and you look back and you just look at what you've grown from.

the conversations that I'm able to have, the knowledge that I'm able to speak with, and the understanding. I understand, not because I'm a trained machine and I spent all of this time prepping for, and this is what the idea of education was all based off of. No.

The idea of discovery enhanced the muscle that made me want for so much more information in the space of life that I chose to love. So entertainment and business, the level of failures that I have had that I'm still having in some regard,

The world of fixing, cleaning up, making better, understanding, growing, relationships, building. There is nothing more intriguing to me than being able to turn around and look at Kevin at the age of 22 and then looking at Kevin at the age of 43. This was not the plan. Every day is a new day and every day I found another thing to be excited about.

Every day I found another goal that I decided to attach to my tree. That tree has so many branches on it right now. So many people say you're doing so much. Why do you do so much? How do you do so much? What's the end game? What's the goal? The game is being in the game. It's being in the game.

The foundation that I'm trying my best to create, I hope and pray that these four kids that I have, that they look at it, they see that they understand. We just got a shot at something different. We got a shot at generational wealth. We got a shot at changing the quote-unquote trajectory within our culture of opportunity. We got a shot to make this normal.

Once again, I'm looking past me. I'm looking at the bigger piece of the plane. My kid's got a bigger shot at breaking ground and making this normal. Because other kids that look like us, that came from where we come from, and that grew up how I grew up, will now have a different level of association from what can be achieved. If it's based off of what I was able to do,

I'm igniting a different level of thought, a different level of one, a different level of motivation and inspiration. I'm inspiring at a different level. Absolutely. When I get there and at the last second I miss it and I fall, I got there. I got there and all it does is show them that they can get there. They're not going to miss. And they can go further. They can go further. They're not going to miss.

they're equipped with too much of the weapons I've equipped you along the way with so much so you're prepared for all this war that's coming up here you're not going to miss that might miss that might fall you're not and the kids coming up from under them they're not going to miss but you have to have this energy yeah this big and

the kids that come after that, because it sounds like while you were honest and saying, look, I didn't know I was going to be a writer, director, entrepreneur, a CEO. I didn't have these. I didn't have the education, as you said. But it sounds like you have some you have the mindset. That's very clear. We know that. But there's some core skills here.

that it sounds like you've invested in very deeply and that you're trying to pass on. If you could narrow them down to one, two, or three for us, what would you say are the skills that you're like, this is how I want my kids to be able to operate in this world? And that's what they need. The best skill that I have developed is the skill of noticing and understanding that nothing is done by one individual.

reached by one person, right? There is a team effort that goes into the smallest moment of success to the largest. It's for it all, and it doesn't embrace the world.

whatever that thing is, it's a person that won't last long. The thing that I am most thankful for and the thing that I'm glad that it has just improved over the course of time is the word of inclusion with the we. There's no I. And I hope that that's what I'm passing down to my kids is that

be earned correctly, you know, you have to surround yourself with people that you can not only earn with, but that will support and embrace along the way, right? I have an amazing team. I hope that my team grows to be the stars of tomorrow, from execs to creative

and the brand partnerships and the space and entertainment and this ecosystem of the media that we've created, we flourish because they flourish. And knowing that, identifying that, and trying my best to support that, that's the thing that I have had to work on. When we talk about monsters, Jay, there was a high monster. Yeah.

know. Everybody move. Watch out. I'm going to show y'all how to do it. I'm going to take it to me. Here, we're not listening to that. We're going to do it my way. It was this heavy thing of me, I, I, I, I, I. Get out the way, Kevin. Get out the way and let other people be great. They're only going to make this thing greater. You're prohibiting that by trying to stand

that they were brought here to do and while they do it align yourself with them embrace them support them and as they grow we grow

last year when we're here we're setting up said how long have you guys been together yeah that's just me asking because i want to see what the world of your team is yeah and when you say what you say well there's no coincidence that the level of success comes with the relationships that's evolved from day to set date yes it comes with an understanding that comes with a level of community more importantly a one for success when we have it together because we're embracing the world it's not just one

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it gets the only other person of color absolutely and so it's like they can be only one person of color comedian they're gonna be one person of color actor right like it's all divided it's just a couple others i really talked about this it was oh wow it's you know dave chris myself we're very close yeah and i love seeing that that makes me happy the reason why we're so close is because you know there is no competition

We're not competing with one another. And, you know, we all have different levels of success that make sense for us, right? Like, one success has nothing to do with the other. And the support, the love that we give each other, that we embrace each other with, it's all dealt with the understanding that we can all exist at the same time. And the conversation of

There can only be one. It's one that we've created as a culture. We really do pit our own against our own. We really have done it throughout the time. By the way, there's nothing wrong with competition. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the best. There's nothing wrong with that conversation. It's a conversation that can be had and should be had without the malicious intent behind it. Ultimately,

looking across the street and you're looking at what the others are doing over there and you're missing what you've done over here and I just it's something that I think over the course of time has developed it didn't start off like this I definitely was once again and being transparent I was a young comic that was like man when am I going to get my turn yeah

I don't understand. Oh, my God. Nobody wants... Like, you do go through that. And rightfully so. There's frustration in not knowing or not understanding why my opportunity has it or isn't. There's frustration in that. But there's also a sense of calm that comes in confidence in knowing that you're putting the work in for a reason and that it will

Am I showing up every day and am I prepared? And if this opportunity does come, am I ready for it? Because there's nothing worse than comes and I don't have a set. I don't have a tight five minutes. I don't have a tight 10. I didn't have a 25-minute set. Oh, my God, I didn't have no clean material. There's nothing worse than not being ready. So you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do the work and make sure I'm ready.

I'm going to take these acting classes before I even got an acting role. I'm sitting in a damn acting class. I'm spending the little bit of money I got doing one-on-one sessions. I wasn't comfortable being in the class. I had to get the space of comfort. I don't have any roles. I didn't have any auditions yet.

I'm doing the work so that when I get there, I don't have to go backwards and do it. Yeah, I love that mindset. I think that is so underrated. Are you even ready if the opportunity came knocking? Are you even ready? Two things that I took away from that. The first was something you said about you, Chris, and Dave, and I love hearing about that friendship. It's so beautiful to hear about that. I read something from Bob Iger where he was talking about how at one point,

Spielberg, George Lucas, and I think it was Tarantino, they would show each other their movies before it went anywhere. So they'd sit in this tiny little theater or whatever, they'd show each other their movies, give each other feedback, and then they'd all launch their movies.

and of course, all of those people are icons. And it's unbelievable because you think they were so confident in who they were and what their style was. I mean, a Spielberg movie doesn't look like a Lucas movie and a Lucas movie doesn't look like a Tarantino movie. They were so confident in who they were and what they brought to the table that they could even show their best work. I trust your level of understanding opinion and story

and the highest regard that even though we don't share the same love for genre material, whatever you want to call it, right? Like whether it's sci-fi to drama to action, like these are all, like you said, different people.

tell me if my characters are easy to track and if you care. And if you don't care, I also trust that you'll be able to tell me why you felt you did. I also feel that in the space of solution, you're not going to put things at me that are not doable. You're going to know the context of what I have that I'm working with, what's left on the cutting room floor, what I can possibly do to do for issues. Everything that you're going to tell me is within regards of having my best interests. That's confidence. That's also a strong relationship.

along the journey of success as you've all got to the top of this mountain. You understand that your stance on your mountain has nothing to do with mine. Dave Chappelle.

has made me and Chris Rotten feel stupid at times when it comes to our choice of material. We have watched Dave in our earlier stages of just working on our set, and we would spend time at the cellar. Mom would come, and we would all go, and Dave would go up, and me and Chris would just split up, and we're happy about our material. We'd give each other notes. We'd watch Dave. At the time, we had looked at each other, and we balled our papers up and said, we've got to start over. We've got to start over.

not because of jealousy or envy no because we challenge each other and we spark and amp the world of like we want the best and not only each other but for ourselves and you inspire me and you encourage me and

I love the report that we have because we do exactly the same thing. Y'all think my hour is ready? I want you to come see me. Chris, tell me what you think. Kev, I like it, but I still think you can't. Kev, come see me. I'm doing an hour and 40 right now. Hour and 40? Yeah, tell me what you think. I'm probably going to trim 20 out of it. I like where it is. All right, I'm coming. Dave, what's up? Come to Ohio.

you'll like what I'm working on I want your eyes alright that's a strong relationship and it's one that I embrace and I celebrate it often I celebrate it often I think it's very important for people to see other entertainers at this level

Simply celebrate each other's success. I love it. Whether it's rappers, singers, actors, actresses, comedians, writers, directors, whoever. I love to see a room where people are in it and they're celebrating one another. We're all a part of a fraternity. And, you know, if we treat it right, a fraternity will have an amazing stance forever. Yeah. Right? Like, you don't want to attach bad stories to what people have to do.

because when I think about younger generations, if you grew up watching your favorite people and you knew they were all friends, how does that change the game now? Because if you're seeing your favorite people fight each other and battle it out for the crown, what are you going to do with the person sitting right next to you at school? And I think that's, I saw that so much growing up where I've always wanted to connect with people regardless of what we do in this space, but you saw so many people

Let's see who does better. Let's see who does more. And again, I love what you said. Competition's not a bad thing. Let's not give it a bad name. But the idea that we've got to be able to hold two truths, we can compete and still be friends. And I think people, yeah, you have to choose. You know, there was a time where the USA men's swim team, the American team,

those practices were more than just practices the world of training before the Olympics and the battles that took place in those pools where they got ready and they were by each other's side every single day and I tell you that atmosphere is one that nobody else can understand except the ones that are competing to be great by the way at the end of every without me being here holding a bet

it's a good question if they kick my ass today it's mom and i'll see if i can look up top of my head about two hundred i thought you would be a pushy a stroke is that a you know what's today uh... was fifty-fifth of russia but that's not what i saw you next that motivation that motivation chip from being alongside of somebody's quote-unquote the best for or the quote-unquote grace you're using that as you

That's not bad. But not in one interview did you ever see them have any type of rapport and looked as if there was animosity or anger towards one's success. The happiest people for Michael Phelps were people on his team.

that got the silver, that were on his team. That to me, that's the mold in the making of real champions, right? That's the mold in the making. If you're in it and you have said, this is what I'm destined to do and I'm gonna give my all and every day I show up with 100%, regardless of the outcome, I'm showing up with 100%. That day gonna come, whenever it comes,

I'm going to be ready. It's going to come. I'm going to get my just doing, my fulfilling need and energy and want for knowing that I have just delivered for myself. That's who I compete with. That's who I look at. Sometimes I let myself down because the thing that I'm trying to do, I should know I can't redo.

Sometimes I'm chasing the thing that can't be redone again. Sometimes the lightning in the bottle strikes once. You're not going to get that again. There's times where I'm so hard on myself that I miss the moments of success that I shouldn't realize that I'm having. But I'm chasing this thing. There's a time where I was doing two shows in arenas a night. Four shows in the city in arenas. As a comedian. Go back on tour to the next one. I only do two shows. Oh my God, I'm falling off. What's happening?

No. Sold out six, seven shows, Madison Square Garden. What? I feel bad because I didn't do it again. That ain't going to happen again. That was lightning in the bottle. You've got to get to a place of understanding and realization. Once again, it's the monsters, baby. Yeah, it's the monsters. It's the monsters. Yeah, you talk about this in the audio book, and I loved it. It was all about the addiction at number one. Yes. And this idea of...

and you'll love this there was a study that i saw that said because you brought up the olympics it's about my brain there's a study that i saw that said people who win bronze are happier than people who win silver because the people who came second were this close to first but the person who came third they were happy they were like we weren't gonna get first but we got in we got on the podium and it's that podium syndrome at least we got on but the second the person in silver

of the multiple, like, okay, I need it. Got a movie coming out. A movie going on, so I need it. I need number one. I don't get number one. I'm gonna fail. Like, if I fail, flop. I don't get number one, but flop. It's flop. I gotta get number one. It's fine. It's like there's no in-between. It's one or flop. Like, I've only got number one. It's gotta be number one.

a ton of them but I got to a place where the win was attached to the project the win was attached to me finishing a movie and being happy about the movie that I did union workers are happy and a director coming out with the finished piece of the product going you're going to like this and we see it and we actually like it and then we screen it for fans

that's the win this other thing I'm trying to control Kev stop you can't control that and if you keep on going in the direction that you're going in if and when that thing changes you're going to be so hurt that the world of recovery might not be

grasp the real concept of what it should be now. It doesn't mean that you're saying that you are ready to fail. It's saying be prepared for the world of real to present itself at any point in time. Don't get caught up in the world of fake. And me acting as if I control these numbers, as if I can navigate it, direct it, and make it happen when and how I want all the time, I'm setting myself up. So you know what I'm

Balance it out now, dude. What are you doing? I love what I do. All right, well then let's be happy at what we do. I talked to Dave Letterman.

the other shows every day that's painful every day he said every day I got there and I looked at it and my team and I'm working hard and I'm so hard he said I'm so hard on people and you hear him talk love David by the way I don't know the letterman of old that some people ran into I know the letterman of now and he's so transparent the information how he talks and what he's overcome his stories were just it was so good to hear

because when you hear people that are openly telling you, you can't do this, you can't operate like this, because it eats away at you. It eats away. It made me realize I did go through a piece of that. I just was able to catch my nerve. And in the worry of like, we might fail,

we risk being open to being broken, right? Like, that's the risk. Like, you don't want to go down, but you don't realize that if you're not prepared for that down, the down's going to be far worse. It's going to be far worse, man. We have had a live example.

in real time we're watching I call it the Truman Show and for everybody listening to your podcast if you're not familiar with the Truman Show it's a Jim Carrey movie but basically you know people's lives it's the movie we're watching real life movies every single day and you're watching people make mistakes recover from mistakes not recover from mistakes make rights instead of lefts lefts instead of rights

and seeing that, we choose to ignore it as if it's not real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We choose to ignore it. It feels like it's TV. And the biggest drug, the biggest drug, it's not cocaine, it's not heroin, it's not molly or opioids. The biggest drug...

the fame and now it's more accessible and different it's the biggest drug and the reason why it's the biggest drug because it's a drug that makes you feel like you are powerful and like everywhere you go anything you want everything you want it's a thing and if you can't handle this thing the consequences attached to when that thing is removed are severe nobody prepares you

for the world of fame. There is no handbook. There is no outline. There is no guide by guide. Step one to step two. There's nothing. You get it? And yesterday you weren't and today you are. And tomorrow you're not. No, we're done. People get shell-shocked. That to me has always been

the point of no return at the end of the day this can wear off if and when however sees or decides and if that were to happen well what am I where am I it's all going to it's all going to send it back to you are you happy with who you are and what you did are you at a point where you are okay do you know you and are you okay with you if you are not

I don't think, and I love that you've been doing this more and more with the Audible, with Heart to Heart. We're getting to see your depth. We're getting to see the mind behind you. Again, as we said earlier, we like to limit people. We like to limit people into like, you just be a comedian, or you just be a race car driver, or you just be an actor. It's like we're starting to realize that, like you said, you're not just watching someone's life on TV. There's a human here. There's a story here, and we're getting that with you.

do you think it was was this something was this an epiphany that you had before the accident or was it that this really because in your audible when you talk about like how when it's just silent you figure out what really matters like when i heard that i was just thinking like our near-death experiences you were told

does that feel like that was a moment that there is a massive awakening or were you already kind of working with somebody no I had a I was always a transparent and authentic person but you definitely change you definitely change and by the way I'm still changing I'm not sitting I am my dad's child and my mother's child as well there's nothing more humbling

in a quiet room. There's nothing more humbling than the realization of what is really, like, necessary. What you take for granted and what we don't think twice about is not until that's compromised that the true appreciation for life, I feel like, sometimes behaves.

Whatever their space or version of a higher power is daily for life and for what they do. I believe in God, so I'm not as spiritual as some may be, but I'm very thankful for the life that God has allowed me to live and the opportunities I've been able to embark upon. But I got a lot more appreciation after life was almost gone.

Do you really appreciate your toes? Do you really appreciate your fingers? Do you really think about your movement, your joints, vision, smell? Do you really think about how fortunate and lucky you are? It's the only time where I get a little, where I slow up. When I'm slowing up, it's because the reality of that

was significant. I really almost died. My kids and all that. As I'm moving so fast, I didn't even have everything dialed up for if said thing were to happen. Oh, because I'm out here. I'm just roaming. I'm out here aimlessly living and I'm moving so fast. I've yet to grasp the true concept and reality of responsibility immediately.

let me get my responsibilities in order because if that had a bit it would have been a lot of people with their hands up as to what how when fame is great the lights are great and my heart came a heart came a heart and I'm one I'm one I'm one I was in that room with my goddamn wife my brother my kids you look around

You got a lot of friends. You got a lot of people that love you. Name something. But what really matters, that's when my mindset starts to change. That's when you go, okay, my approach to just me and working on me, it needs to be different. I've contradicted myself a lot since, you know, y'all want to slow down to make sure I get my field in more time. I have. That doesn't mean there can't be more.

and the day-to-day battle of, am I giving enough? You know how much dad loves you, I'm here. Like, you know, always working to make sure I do more, but is it enough? Am I a workaholic? Okay, but that's not a bad thing. You love to work, yes, you do. That's a passion. You got something that you go after every day. That is a driving source for me. I'm not in the business of letting that go, but, boy, you better put your hands on these people and make sure. You gotta make sure that you are giving the time

that you said you would when you were in that time of silence. Okay, all right. I'm gonna see, talk to myself. I have these conversations all the time. That's the beauty of taking my little rhymes. The beauty of working out. Me and you, Jim, you talk to yourself. You better talk to yourself. You better have conversations.

The biggest battle is just doing right all the time. That's a battle. And knowing you're going to get it right. That's a battle, man. When I go to a restaurant and they bring out a plate, the waiters say it all the time, don't touch that plate, the plate hot. You know what I do, Jay? You know what I say if I touch it? It wasn't hot.

he said it's hot but I still gotta go and touch the plate anyway it's a battle so being okay with understanding I'm going to lose and win in this battle and this battle is not over until the day I'm in the ground cause you're not gonna get it right you're not gonna get it right and there's people with this idea

That's the world of growth. That's the world of evolving.

I mean, I got a teenage daughter. Nobody prepared me for the world of, you know, like you're talking about gotta get it right. I'm talking enough. I'm loving enough. I'm present. Am I listening? Am I just delegating? Am I parenting? Am I your friend? There's so much. Teenage son. Little ones. I mean, my wife. It's a constant battle.

is an output, right? I don't complain about that output, but those that I'm taking in from, I just gotta make sure that I'm receiving them and that I'm not moving too

I love that you described it like a battle because what you just described is exactly the

it's revisiting that every day saying I'm recommitting to this I'm going to be a good dad today right you don't get to make a decision to be a good dad in 10 years you have to do today and then you do tomorrow and I think that what's really interesting the reason why I asked that question too is because I think memory is such an interesting thing sometimes when something big happens to us we feel the shift that this is going to change

but if on the opposite side if i'm being differently

I now do is make sure that I'm looking at things with both lenses. Not on one side of POV. It's not just my perception of what I'm doing and how everybody else should see it. And doing that the way that

making sure that I'm really engaged with the other people, making sure that there's a rapport, that there's energy. And, you know, the wife and kids, the same thing, making sure that there's a rapport,

proper feedback so if I do need to adjust or if I do need to fix, at least I'm aware. Operating with the assumption that you are or that you're doing, it can be a crutch. It can be a bad thing if I'm operating with the assumption because one day you'll wake up and go, you know, I never liked what happened. It was a problem for me for all these years because of you.

just go, I'd never live, never say nothing. Sometimes people want to say things, sometimes people don't know how to say things.

There is no other alternative. There's a beautiful conversation between the Buddha and a student that I love. The student approaches the Buddha and says, what's the difference between I like you and I love you?

I know what you're saying is so true and I really do recommend this to anyone who's a big fan of Kevin's as I am. Please do go listen to the audio book because

Monsters and how to tame them. I mean, I have never heard someone be as open and transparent as you are. And you're so open about all your flaws. And there's one thing that you say that, again, I was like, I have to talk to you about this because it was just, it stuck with me. And you talk about it, you say, you know, you're just talking about the fame and that's really how it came about. You're just talking about how fame makes you feel invincible.

where I was like, it can't happen to me, right? It's not possible. And then you open up on a certain floor, and in my head I'm thinking, what is it about the monster that gets you to do things even better against your own values, right? Like, the monster gets so strong that you go as far as that, and when you get home, you go, that was an awakening, but it still doesn't wake you up fully, right? There's a limitation to all kinds of people. Well, I mean,

that idea of the mental. Once again, this is a thing that a very small percentage of people are going to be able to experience or understand, right? It's very easy from the outside looking in to go, or how? I don't believe. How can? Right? But from the other side, not that it's

First of all, wrong is wrong. I've never been here before. Try to justify or excuse wrong is wrong. But being wrong sometimes comes with a world of situation, a world of opportunity, right? You're constantly around bad apples. You're hungry and people keep saying, don't eat these apples. Some people are going to be able to hold off. You feel that some people are going to pick up that apple.

right it's not something that's justifiable to some because what is going to happen I'm going to eat it and then what I'll probably be sick for a second and I'll throw up and then I'll be fine well that happens in the future but you're looking at it in that moment I'll be fine the idea that comes with that level of success and that comes with opportunity based on situation is one that you look at as I define CC as nothing but

it's not until your hand is in the pot and you get burned or caught or whatever, you know, that you've got to sit down and you've got to think about it. You've got to look at it and you've got lots of layers that are attached to it. And that's when the life-changing side of thought happens, right? And then it becomes about you, how you look at yourself, how do you view yourself.

it's bigger than just the partner of course that you don't respect but also about you and how you want to be you at that point like what's important where are you at where are you at with you that mirror if you're looking at that mirror if you're alright what are you looking at if you're fine all in all I can only put you in a position

and you know once again it's a battle right marriage love you gotta learn it at a young age when you're embedded into it you're not gonna get it right you gotta learn it it's unfortunate how the lessons come from whichever side however it happens

You know, I wasn't that smart. And I'm not going to act as if I wasn't. That's from my first marriage. Is it hard to forgive yourself or is it hard to ask for forgiveness? I think it's... I can be hard on myself. I can stay in the fire. Having another person do it.

That's where it gets tough, right? Like, you throw rocks at me all day. When the other person is in there, I think that's a different level. In the mistakes that I've made in my life, the biggest side of consequence has always been the effect that it's had on others. I'll figure it out and do my best to evolve and grow and however that has to happen with me, but I can't dictate

I feel like that's that genuine compassionate heart saying, I know I can think of my way out, but why would I put someone in this situation?

i was like yeah it was already out to me and i was like i was like i can't subscribe to that i was like that's a lot it was a lot i was like i can't you can't wish pain and suffering

that were not your choice, and then some things that were your choice. But we shouldn't expect that other people can navigate those situations. It's good when you say, like, you know, the choices that you make, right? And because of our times today, the world of what one does or has done is amplified.

have an opinion. There's a space to voice that opinion, right? I'm going to dumb it down. I'm going to go to the lowest level right now. When people do some of the dumbest mistakes from crime, death, infidelity, cheating, all of it. Go all of them. Who has vetted out the consequences?

Nobody has sat and vetted out the consequences, right? Everybody that's robbed a bank has attempted to rob a bank because they found it to be very easy.

and the world goes

what you mean I mean to do you have to pay no some people are that some thoughts are that simplistic some actions are just that stupid and they're not thought out but everything is not that deep everything did not have that many layers to the mistake when a mistake happened I'm grounded in the world of reality everything that I have done

in my mind I attached a piece of logic and made it make sense to me yeah that's it you can make anything make sense to you if you wanted to and sometimes it's not until consequences present themselves that you realize the idiotic way of thinking or the idiotic approach to what you feel you can do the bigger than the world like mentality humbling is something that has to happen yeah

you can either welcome it or not. We're all privy to it. Minds is counting in different doses, shapes and sizes, man. But I just don't, I don't want to say I don't like, I think the thing that like, it just, you have to shake your head. It's not even worth the battle and conversation. It's simple. Yeah. It's not, yeah. It's not deeply thought through. It's just not deeply thought through. I was watching Biden. There's a clip of Biden.

But Biden says, I probably watched this clip. I'm not into politics at all. Biden goes, I got something important I want to say and the whole world needs to hear it. I need everybody to listen right now. And he takes a beat. He goes, ahem, man. Ah, forget it. The President of the United States.

No, but Biden didn't mean to do that. Biden didn't go up there and say, I'm going to set up. You got the best joke in the world. And in the middle of it, go. You're going to send me that clip. I'll show it to you. I see it to say it was something later that he went and watched. God, I'm sorry. He apologized. I'm sorry. I know. I know. I know, guys. I don't know.

i'm sorry like he didn't mean it

I hope my way of making my point makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense. I hope that I'm articulating this correctly. I'm saying that there's no excuses. There should never be any excuses. Wrong is wrong. Problems are forever. I'm saying that I don't like when people tell you how you thought about something and you go, wasn't that sick? I didn't even... It wasn't that...

no i just i kind of just i just walked down there i didn't even know that was yeah you think you just walked yeah did you get out the bed did you put on purpose yeah

I don't like that. Some thoughts are not that deep in that layer. That's the difference I've found between being critical and being a critical thinker. Everyone's critical today, but it's just, we try and find the floor. And what you're encouraging through this book, through your work, and what we're encouraging here on this platform is critical thinking. Let's be open to the fact it can be really basic, it can be really...

Now you didn't do that. You didn't have to live through that. It's a very slippery slope to go down when you talk about this. Like I said, you're in a time where everybody knows everything. Everybody's the smartest person in the room today. That's an amazing thing to me. Everybody's right all the time. You tell me nobody's wrong today. You get that 2, 3, 4, 6, X, Y, Z. You understand we're in a time where everybody's right. Everybody knows everything.

Everybody is the smartest person in the world. I call them the best coaches that have never won a championship. I mean, it's something that we're eventually going to have to get out of. The world of anxiety and mental health is at the highest level just that it's ever been. It's on the front page. I wasn't aware.

battles of real depression or real day-to-day. I had no idea, but what that time did, it put it on the forefront and you get to see how people are truly battling, battling on a day-to-day based off perception, doubt, and how they feel based off of what I've

it's a scary thing and you know I can only be transparent and authentic in hopes that people will find it is what it is man be you unapologetically and as you are correcting or fixing or evolving in you understand that you got a dope thing to look back at and that's the old you versus the new attempt in who you are trying to be

That to me is beautiful. Every piece of art that I look at, that I love, that I embrace, there's nothing better than looking at it from the start. What did it start out as? Every house that gets built, what did it start out as? Every car that gets built, what did it start out as? Clothes that we wear, what was the design in the beginning? Everything has stages of growth. Why in today's time are we forgetting that? Why are we forgetting that and expecting an immediate space?

of perfection. I didn't know the babies come out the womb and know it all off the back. I thought they had to be taught. The way that we're talking today, that's tough. It's tough. So I try my best to remove myself as much as I can. I try myself to act as a aid for laughter, happiness, joy. And I can only hope that the conversation attached to my name will be one

of good. I can't control it. If it is, great, man. If it isn't, I try. That's where I'm at. That's my mindset. Well, when I listen to your audio book, which I felt was a very intimate take on you as a human, not as an entertainer, I can honestly say that I walked away from it saying to my friends and people that I speak to going, you know what? Kevin didn't have to be. That's how I felt when I was

he's winning, he's great at what he does. You didn't have to create anything to talk about his flaws. You just didn't have to do that. And to me, that's why I respect and admire you, because when I heard that, I was like, well, if he's happy to go there, and he's happy to talk about how these monsters never die, and he's happy to talk about how he's still dealing with them, I find it to be some of your most meaningful work.

there's a place that you get to in life right when you start to you start like what did i do yeah like what did i do right like what's and what does it mean like you've healed the world you know changed world created this you have something like this i'm not i'm not saying it for those answers but for you like the question like what did i do and i'm at a place where okay i was

and the information that I now have the opportunity to give. The information, if nothing else, the information that you really want to have impact, you want to try to position yourself to help create the opportunities for change. Financial literacy in the black community, not understanding banking, having known it, my alignment with

Chase and JP Morgan, but my why, that there's a why attached to it. Okay, this is a reason. I got something bigger than my fame and success. Okay, this is a passion and something that we're trying to correct. Okay, in the space of inspiration, motivation, there's a passion attached to it.

to me trying to simply inspire and motivate those that just simply aren't getting motivating messages on a day-to-day some households just don't do it some may not have the households that do it i didn't grow up in a mom and dad the dinner every night the

That's not my life. There's other people that do have it. There's some people that just them and their mom, them and their dad. Some people don't have anybody. Whatever that thing is, you don't know who's pulling from what to try to get to where. We have no idea. So if I can now act as a aid that is giving you nothing but verbal warfare attached to truth and authenticity. If I'm giving you

anecdotes and gems that are attached to a real life

concept like this isn't it's not made up i'm giving you simple information based off of me and my battles i just told you there's no handbook for fame getting still i'm giving you in some way shape or form something that can be camouflaged as an example of how i had to handle a just deal i have an opportunity to have an on season and off season

My on-season is movies, maybe a stand-up comedy tour, maybe not. My off-season, I can go and I can be a speaker at, I can talk to companies about, I can go to said conventions and give X, Y, and Z that's used to simply amplify, motivate, inspire. Whatever those things are, once again, I'm creating another door attached to a piece of passion that I discovered.

to do it. I've discovered it. And those that I see doing it, you know, when Will right now, Will Smith, a good friend of mine, you know, Will's book had a tremendous amount of success. Will sold a million books. It's not just because of the Will Smith factor. Will Smith is telling you the truth. Hey man, you guys got the glitz and glamour of gold from the perception that I gave you.

never really pulling the veil back to show you everything else that was back here. I can't hold no more. I was in this business for 30 years or whatever. I cannot, I don't wanna get to that point, so I do it all the time. You're still going, you're still working, but I promise you there's a person that will listen to this, that will understand it, and that will go, you know what, man? You shouldn't be afraid.

and confidence for others to make people understand how dope it is to simply believe that you can do whatever you put your mind to. If I can help and just give you that push, I did my part. Self-confidence and belief. That's how dreams get better. Self-confidence and belief. That's how you check off goals. That's how you march towards whatever your goals and success are. That's it.

Kevin, it has been such a joy to meet you today, man. We ask questions.